Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Burrito Physics

I'm currently eating a store-bought burrito for breakfast. Spare time is not something I have a ton of at the moment, so please reserve judgment. Also, it's delicious. (Thank you, Amy!)  

Anyway, I'm thoroughly enjoying my non-breakfast burrito except that I am having difficulty with burrito physics. You know what I'm talking about. It's when all the filling works its way to the bottom of the burrito and starts to drip all over your hands and plate. I know this is one of those things that I can't change, but it annoys me anyway. I am eating while typing and I have to keep wiping my hands after every bite. Plus, I've had a few bites with hardly any filling, which is obviously the whole point of eating a burrito in the first place. If I wanted to eat a tortilla I would just just eat one plain from the fridge. Maybe there are more experienced burrito-eaters who do not have this problem, but it's something I cannot prevent.

Also, if "burrito eating" is a metaphor for something nasty in Urban Dictionary that is totally unintentional but might make this post extra hilarious. I'm too lazy/busy to check.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Advertised Gas Station is 3 Miles from the Exit

It is convenient that highways let you know what amenities are available at the next exit. This is especially important when you are running low on gas. Usually on long trips you want to avoid stopping as much as possible, so stations that are close to the highway are ideal and expected. It really annoys me when you see a sign advertising a gas station at the next exit, only to find that it's not immediately off the exit. Oh no. You keep driving and driving... and finally you discover this gas station is actually 3 miles down the road. I'm sorry, what?!? That is not acceptable!!!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Extra Noises on a Conference Call, Especially Breathing

I don't much like conference calls with a ton of people on them. 4 or 5, sure you can figure it out, but with 20+ people it is chaos or complete silence excepting the person in charge. I know they are a necessary evil but it's like no one knows what to do. One of the worst things is when people don't have their phones muted and you can hear them talking to a friend, walking through a wind tunnel, or breathing into the speaker like it's an oxygen mask. WTF people. Especially the breathing, what is up with that? It is weird and creepy and totally distracting. I was on a call a few weeks ago and I could hardly pay attention. I kept imaging Darth Vader on the call. "Luke... I'm on an important call."

Breathe = (verb) to inhale
Breath = (noun) an inhalation
eg. Remember to breathe by taking a deep breath.

People mess those up a lot and it's dumb. Stop doing that.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Grocery Store on a Sunday Night

The grocery store on a Sunday night is a horrifying place. First of all, most of the produce is gone, so that you are left to choose between one semi-rotted red pepper and one semi-rotted yellow pepper. The cilantro you hoped to buy for a delicious meal later that week? Only scraps of leaves can be located on the bottom of the shelf. Secondly, everything that was on sale is gone. Don't bother to get your hopes up because the cheese you wanted is sold out. Third, the place is a disaster zone, like everyone ran through and uprooted boxes of cereal on their way to the cheese section. You can forget about finding a plastic bag for those bruised apples; those are all missing in action. The floors are dirty, the shelves are disorganized, and shopping carts litter the parking lot. Also, somehow the store is still crowded, even though there is hardly any food left. It's just a bunch of people wandering the aisles hoping they hid the avocados somewhere between the rice pilaf and Uncle Ben's. 

I usually try to food shop Sunday mornings, because it is peaceful, empty and the shelves are full. But sometimes I am out of town, or I have to work early on the weekend (that will probably be another post someday) or I'm trying to get laundry done before everyone else does (another popular Sunday activity). Somehow, I always know the store is going to get me angry, and yet I can't help going back. This is two weekends in a row. Shame on me.