Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Eating Phallic Foods in Public

I really like bananas. They are such a great food; delicious and high in vitamins, they're my favorite pre-workout food. I also really like string cheese and fudgesicles and cucumbers. But I do not like to eat them in public. It just feels.... inappropriate. I feel like everyone is watching me and judging me. I'm sure no one is but I am still discrete with my banana-eating. Or I break it into pieces with my hands.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Detours with No Conclusion

This is a problem I have noticed specifically in the Boston area. Oftentimes when there is construction, a race, or another reason for having a road blocked, the Boston Police Department will put up a "detour" sign. Usually, that is the extent of it. You are forced to turn right, instead of going straight, and then there are no additional signs instructing you how to get back to your route. If you're lucky, the cars in front of you will know where they are going and you can follow them, or maybe you had your GPS on and it quickly re-routes you. In most cases, however, you are totally screwed.

Boston is not Manhattan; it's not a convenient grid, where 3 rights makes a left. With the exception of a tiny area between Hynes Convention Center and the Public Gardens, Boston is a mishmosh of streets. I understand when there is an accident blocking the road, the police officers did not have the time to set up an appropriate detour, but if there is construction or a road race, chances are that was planned and there was sufficient time to figure out how to best redirect traffic.

When I first moved to Boston, there was a detour downtown that forced me to make a left I had not planned on. I spent the next 20 minutes just trying to figure out how the heck to get back to where I needed to be to get onto 93N. If you live here, you know what I'm talking about. I cursed a lot that day. Last week it happened again, in Brookline with construction blocking an intersection. Luckily I know the area well from being there for 4 years, but I felt badly for anyone who was from out of town or a new resident. I don't understand why it is so difficult to put up a few extra signs. Is there a shortage of "Detour" signs? If so, I'll help you make some. With glitter!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Slow Drivers in the Left Lane

I'm a medium-speed driver; I like to think it's just right. I'm never the fastest or slowest driver on the road and I adjust my speed based on the weather. I drive in the left lane if I'm passing people, but in general on a highway I prefer the middle lane. I'm like the Goldilocks of the highway. But WTF is up with people driving below the speed limit in the left lane??? If you drive slow, it's irritating but technically okay by the law, but stay in the right lane! That's where the slow people belong. It's kind of like not seeding yourself appropriately in a race. Just embrace your speed and drive in the designated lane. Likewise, if you drive 92mph in a 65 zone, don't be in the right lane!

This article by LZ Granderson is very well written and explains why it is so irritating, and why it's not your job to police the road with your own vehicle (unless you're a cop, obviously, because then that is actually your job). He also mentions a few other things that I hate like when people stand on the left on busy escalators.

Putting on Freshly Washed Jeans

I actually don't hate doing laundry. It's nice having clean clothes, and in the winter I love to put my still-warm-from-the-dryer clothes in a pile on my bed and lay in them. (You might be judging now but come January you will be tempted and you will love it.)

What I do hate, however, is putting on recently laundered jeans. Something about clean denim I find itchy and uncomfortable. It conforms to the body in a way that seems wrong. It's as if a really good friend went out and joined a cult and was now pressuring you to do the same. Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but it does feel like you're wearing someone else's pants. As a freshman in college I remember my roommate and I doing lunges around our room in order to stretch out our clean pants. It does help a little, but nothing can really be done until you re-break them in. The worst is when you just finish making them tolerable, and you spill something on yourself. Now that I really really hate.