Monday, September 12, 2011

When You Can't Give a Sarcastic Answer

There are times when I really wish I were meaner. You may think I'm pretty mean, since I write a blog entirely about things I hate, but I usually am pretty quiet in public. Sometimes I really wish I could just give the obvious sarcastic answer though. Like the other day on the T, a seat opened up in front of me. I wasn't blocking access to it, and the train wasn't super crowded, and it was very obvious that there was a seat available. I chose not to sit down partially because I sit all day, but mostly because I had on my backpack and was carrying something else and it would have been too much effort to remove all that and sit. A guy, who clearly wanted to sit down, came up to me and said "Do you want to sit down?" I said, "No thank you." What I wanted to say was, "Obviously not because then I would have sat down in the seat that is literally right in front of me!"

Or when I'm working late, and this particularly irritating person in my office says, "You're still here?" Typical response from me: "Yup." Desired response: "No, I left hours ago. What you are currently seeing is a hallucination. The fact that you can see me means you are very ill, and you should take an extended vacation. For about 2 years until I'm not here any more."

Or when someone you dislike asks you for a favor. I of course say, "Sure thing." In my head, however, I'm thinking, "Yes I would just love to do you a favor. I only ask you for one in return. Since you are the loudest eater in the history of man kind, can you refrain from eating when you are in a 1-mile radius of me? Okay great!"

I know there have been many other instances but that's all I can think of at the moment. Feel free to share if you have any good ones.

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