Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Powdered Donuts

Honestly, who likes those powdered donuts that come in the multi-pack? Sitting there next to chocolate glazed, the powdered look pathetic. I'd even take the plain one over the powdered! Whenever there are multiple types of donuts around, the powdered ones are the last to go. I honestly have no idea why donut makers even bother putting them in the multi-pack. They're gross. And why does this spell-checker not recognize the word "donut" but "donuts" is okay?

Friday, October 15, 2010

People who Cut You Off When You are Trying to Exit the Highway

This annoys me to no end. I have my blinker on, there is an exit rapidly approaching and instead of letting me move over, you intentionally speed up so I can't switch lanes. Oh, what, you didn't see my blinker as you hit the gas pedal? You just happened to speed up at the exact time I planned to maneuver into the right lane? Yeah.... Well..... F-ck you, Clown!*



*if you don't get the reference, ask my SEA C-195 friend Kate. She has a great joke to tell you...

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Loud Chewers

I hate hate HATE when people chew loudly. Really, people, how difficult is it to keep your mouth shut when you are eating. You have been eating solid food at least 3 times a day since you were approximately 1 years old, so by now you have had lots of practice. It baffles me that some people make horrifying and nauseating noises during eating and no one has thought to tell them. Not once in their entire life did some kind soul say, "Hey, I gag a little every time we eat together. Can you try to keep your mouth closed? Thanks."

There are exceptions, to this, of course: when you have a bad cold and you cannot breathe through your nose, I will give you a minor pass, but you should also try to avoid eating around people since you are sick and probably contagious.

I was tragically reminded of this, one of my most hated pet peeves, this morning on the T when I stood next to a 9 year old girl with a giant wad of gum in her wide open mouth. [Side Note: Yes, I recognize that I sound just like my father did when I was 9 and had a giant wad of gum in my wide open mouth and we were going on some kind of road trip but we all turn into our parents some day, I'm just embracing it early on.] I'm not sure why her mother didn't grab her and say, "HEY! You are chewing so loudly that this kind, patient, gorgeous lady next to you [read: me!] can hear you over her iPod. Spit out the gum!"

Probably the worst case of loud eating was one of my old roommates. I'll call her Ugly Face for lack of a better nickname. She used to eat frozen lasagna so loudly that I could hear her across the apartment. "How can you eat lasagna loudly," you might be wondering, "it's such a soft meal." Well, Ugly Face managed it, smacking her tongue around, chewing with her mouth open, and making all sorts of disgusting mushy noises.

So the next time you eat a meal with any other person, especially if it is me, try to be aware of the noises you make. If you can't seem to control your mouth's unfortunate soundtrack, don't be too insulted when I glare at you the entire meal.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Pee on the Seat

Boys will not understand this, since you don't have to pop a squat to do your business, but there is nothing more irritating than having to pee and seeing someone else's urine all over the seat. It's so easy to just grab a little extra TP and wipe off the seat, that I'm not sure why this happens at all. Recently, this has been occurring in my office, and although I don't know who it is, I have my suspicions. There are 8 women who use our bathroom, so there aren't a lot of people to accuse. It's just a common courtesy to leave the toilet pee-free. Just remember Ladies: If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat. And also, flush and wash your hands, because skipping those parts is gross, too.