Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Hard Butter at Restaurants

Imagine you are at a restaurant, and you are really hungry and your waiter places a basket full of delicious bread right in front of you. He puts down a small plate of butter and you take a soft fluffy piece of bread and a pat of butter. You open the butter only to discover it's practically frozen and totally unusable. Now the dilemma: do you wait for the butter to soften a little by holding it in your hands, all the while salivating over the delicious bread, or just put little chunks of the butter on your bread and resign that it won't live up to your high expectations? I'm sure this is a somewhat complex problem to overcome in the restaurant business, because it seems like only high-end places can get the butter at an appropriate temperature. It probably takes a complicated procedure of removing the butter from the fridge so that it is soft but not melted when it is served. You probably can't leave it out all the time because the heat of the kitchen might cause it to liquefy. No, taking it out of the fridge at the beginning of the evening and placing it back in the fridge at the end of the day is probably too much to ask. Or perhaps you like watching people spread hard butter on soft bread and tearing holes in the tasty bread. Either way I hate it.

Monday, April 26, 2010

When Professors Assign Work at the Last Minute

I got an email last night at midnight from a professor who wants the class to read a paper for discussion in his lecture. Which is tomorrow early afternoon. Seriously? You have to give more than 36 hours heads up for assignments. What if I had a big experiment today (which I almost did), or a 30 page paper due tomorrow (which I actually do)? You can't just assume that us graduate students are sitting around waiting for work to be assigned to us. I know it only takes max an hour to thoroughly read a paper of this length, but you have to give us a little more notice. Plus it also makes you look irresponsible and makes me respect you less. So plan your lectures slightly further in advance than 36 hours, and I won't have to put you on my blog again.

Saturday, April 24, 2010


Dear Women of the World, Back in the 1980s there were a series of poor fashion trends made by the entire world. Such items included neon nail polish, jog suits, and acid wash jeans. Luckily, most of these have disappeared from the fashion lexicon. However, scrunchies seem to not have disappeared quite yet. I know they are less likely to be caught in your hair and are more gentle, but really, ladies... they are just not attractive. One of my old roommates and I always text each other when we see scrunchies because they are so ridiculous looking. There is a girl in one of my classes and she wears a scrunchie every day. Sometimes in class I get so distracted by it that I lose track of what is happening in lecture. I'd like to take her aside after class one day and hand her a package of regular hair ties, and let her know what's up.
Once, on a bus in Boston, I saw a girl with a scrunchie in her hair sitting right in front of me. I laughed about it to myself and then something caught my eye. I realized it was a pink tag. I thought that was pretty weird, because I didn't think scrunchies had tags, but then I realized the tag said "low rise small." On closer inspection it also said Victoria's Secret. I was like WHAT!?! It was a thong! A black lace THONG in her hair. Above is a picture I snapped with my cell phone. You can't see the tag unfortunately. But seriously, that is an extreme walk of shame right there. Did your hair look so bad that you had to put it up, and you were at a strange guy's apartment and didn't have a hair tie and you were so desperate that you put your thong on your hair??? That is really desperate. If there's one thing I hate more than scrunchies, it's underwear worn inappropriately as a scrunchie.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

The Girl at my Gym who Wears Velour Sweatpants and a Sports Bra

I belong to the YMCA, and there are a fair share of strange people there sometimes. I'm sure I do some things that other people think are weird. But there is one girl at the gym who regardless of the season, always wears velour sweatpants and a sports bra with no shirt. For those of you not well versed about commonly used fabrics, Wikipedia describes velour as a "plush, knitted fabric or textile" that is "popular for warm, colorful casual clothing." Notice the emphasis on WARM. If you are so hot and warm at the gym while working out (and I know a thing or two about being warm and sweaty at the gym) that you feel it necessary to remove your shirt, why the F* are you wearing velour sweatpants?? I know for a fact that there are many brands of athletic clothing that make cooler alternatives, such as thin cotton pants or leggings. And, actually, you may not have heard, but the latest in gym wear are these funny things called shorts. They're like pants, but shorter. If you need more help with the concept of shorts, just let me know. I'd be glad to demonstrate their usage to you the next time we're at the Y. I'll bring an extra shirt for you.

UPDATE: This morning (April 15) she was at the gym wearing velour pants, a sports bra and a SKI CAP. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!

Friday, April 9, 2010

When Someone Sends You a Text Message and You Call Them Immediately Back and They Don't Answer

This issue was brought to my attention by Scott (thanks! :) ;) :0 :-D .... I know you heart those).

So this is about when someone sends you a text message and you immediately call them back and they don't answer. I just do not understand it. Where could you possibly have gone in the 27 seconds that passed since you sent me this text message? Did you suddenly think, "I know I just sent a text message with a question in it but I'm going to shut my phone off"? Did you decide not to have a cell phone and chuck it out of the window or something? Or maybe you just think phone calls are an unacceptable and outdated form of communication and chose to ignore my call. I just don't understand what could have possibly happened between your text and my phone call. If you send a text that merits a response (which I would dare to say is most of them) shouldn't you be prepared to receive a response in the near future and thus keep your phone somewhat close to you?? Maybe someone please explain this to me. I hate it and if you do it to me I will probably hate you, too.